My Life in Paradise

because I only wish I could make this sh*t up…

Dear Diary – they are still trying to kill me…

on January 25, 2012

Dear Diary…

It’s day 234,564,347,856,999,999,999 and they still have it in for me.  Their plan will not work – i won’t give in.  They continue to deprive me of sleep but I have determined they are small and scare easily.  I do not know why they are doing this.  I am not a terrorist, yet….

Tomorrow I may begin to try and dig my way out.  With a spatula and a plastic spork.  The cooks give me coffee but soon I will need it by IV.

The US Military has jack shit on 4 wild.fucking.rooster.from.hell.  You want to get something out of me?  Don’t tickle me, waterboard me, hang me from hooks or set me on fire – I do those things for fun.  Just stick me on a farm in the tropics with roosters that never shut.the.bloody.hell.up and I’ll tell you anything and give you everything I own.  Even my shoe collection – hell I’ll give you your shoe collection and allllll of my Urban Decay cosmetics.  This is some serious torture………unending TORTURE!!!

 

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