My Life in Paradise

because I only wish I could make this sh*t up…

A conversation with Mr. Monster about peas, bondage, and pez dispensers.

on June 13, 2012

I have a friend (one Mr. Monster from the dirty south) who is totally amazing in the garden.  No wait more than one of those friends actually aka everyone I know EXCEPT me..  AND I live on a coffee farm – go figure…..  I can grow roses, orchids and tomatoes.  Anything else sends me into fits of panic and messages run across my forehead that read “you are an insufficiently programmed human please try again in your next lifetime…”  Moving right along to something even more nonsensical…

BELOW IS -exactly- WHAT HAPPENS WHEN…. someone makes a typo and I’ve had caffeine.

Conversation reads thus and such…. 

Mr. Monster: …..I played pes bondage (that’s a typo on purpose, keep reading!) for part of my day.  Even such mundane things such as stringing up peas can land me in a world of frayed knots…

Me: Pea bondage!  I am a total pea garden pirate.  I like to snatch them off the bushes and eat them on the spot…..  I thought you wrote “pez bondage” for a second……and I was about to whine about needing a pez dispenser that dispenses bondage…..because I could make money off that…  

Customer:  “Oh la, I need a play date..”

Voice of TV sales guy: “No you need pez bondage!  Act now and we’ll give you a ginsu knife set AND an Asian cupping set.  Asian girl not included in free gift.

Me: For $199.95 I have solved the problems of rural perverts EVERYWHERE……….

Mr. Monster: How much coffee have you had chem demon?

((all because Mr. Monster made a typo.  Just 1 typo and I’m going to change the world!!))

<the end>

 

 

 

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