My Life in Paradise

because I only wish I could make this sh*t up…

Knee Surgery aka Stress Testing Your Relationship

on September 27, 2012

Last week I went to see an orthopedic surgeon.  I needed more and better pain pills for my ongoing knee problem.  What I left with was no prescription and an “I’ll see you in the OR on Monday!” SOOOOOOO…… I left the OR on Monday with a prescription and a “We’ll talk about your knee replacement surgery in two weeks…Get some rest..”

Oh shit…..SHIT…..really??  Yes….. really!!

So a few months into my relationship with Mr.Monster the universe decides making me helpless and hopped up on pain pills is a good way to challenge us both.  To give you an idea of what I feel like when I’m incapacitated I suggest the following exercise:

  • you go to the local zoo
  • find the tiger exhibit
  • trip the keeper and don’t feed the tiger for 2 weeks
  • then saunter into the cage of the underfed tired and expect to not be made into dinner
  • Oh come on – I’m waiting with a video camera…..

Two weeks in the life of a tiger is really 4 days post op for me.

Today is Thursday and I can’t walk, I can’t shower, and no surface is comfortable for longer than a 2 hour nap.  Mr.Monster would probably prefer I was pushing up daises just about now.  My alarm is set for pain pills every 6 hours which for the first 24 hours didn’t work so I was awake and in agony.  The surgeon added an amplifier and now they work too well so I’m asleep, groggy, cranky, asleep, generally unhappy, fidgety, cranky, and biiiitchy and mostly asleep..

So this weeks life lessons…

<don’t retire and get fat>

<if my relationship survives knee surgery it can survive WWIII>

<being helpless sucks more, not less, as I age>




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