My Life in Paradise

because I only wish I could make this sh*t up…

Recovery ala roosters..

Mr.Monster and I are back in Hawaii.  OK I’m back in Hawaii, this is Monster’s first trip here.  There is good and bad to recovering in Hawaii.  The good is I can go to class and see my friends, the bad is I can’t go flop in the ocean or really do much of anything except be annoyed by the roosters at 6am.  Yeah I know – I’m sure you are crying me a river right?

THERE ARE STILL ROOSTERS HERE!

I know you were wondering and sadly it’s true

The roosters remain, BUT the good news is there are less roosters than before.  Like only 2 which is going to make sending Monster on an annihilation mission much more probable.  Ideally I’d like to get rid of all the roosters and chickens and only have my pretty Bard Rock chickens and ducks.  Oh well – I don’t get to decide as many things as I’d like around here.  (read none!)

So in other news it’s AlohaFriday here and Mr.Monster has abandoned me to my rest bed in favor of using a machete to cut down plants.  It’s been generally agreed upon by MyLadyMother and my Mr.Monster that a vegetable garden is a good idea.  I can’t grow anything except roses and orchids so I mostly wave my hands and my crutches around saying……

“yes”

“very well”

“good plan”

“carry on”

“etc. and so forth”

I did try to do a nosedive down the driveway.  Most of you haven’t seen our driveway – let’s just say a tumble down it would be a ginormous mistake.  Momentous, but still a major mistake.

So I’ll wrap this post up by saying it’s nearly been a year!  The best thing that ever happened to me was my event contract being cancelled and me having to figure out what to do with my life.  I’ve spent a fair amount of time conversing with my dear friend LadyFaceGomez recently about money and happiness and she reminds me as often as I need it that money isn’t happiness.  I am more happy now than last year.  I have love, great friends, ducks, a pony size dog, and 3/4 of an education under my belt.  I sound all zen and shit don’t I?  Well to quote my favorite math professor Mr. B….

Namaste Mother Fucker  🙂

ps – it’s Oktoberfest tonight and if I’m luck I’ll have pictures of Mr.Monster doing the chicken dance!

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Death Cock……..is loud…..

Death Metal Rooster…..  Just click the linky.  You won’t thank me, but I’ll thank you.

The above bit of goodness is brought to me by my god brother.  He is without a doubt TheMostGorgeousManUnder30 and thankfully he knows it, I know it and when I get to go to lunch with him and all the girls stare me down.  Hahaha I win!  Look I don’t get to win against Barbie very often….so I take what I can get!!

(He’s not gay……HomoKiwi I already know what you are thinking….I know sad HomoKiwi…)

TheMostGorgeousManUnder30 also happens to be really smart and equally if not more snarky than his older, not so wiser, sister.  And hence I am graced with roosters with billy clubs, satan living in Scotland and Death Metal Rooster….

PS – Did I mention he’s going to be a Dr. and keep me young.forever.and.ever.and.ever!!!

PPS – He’s single.  But I have to approve and I’m unlikely to approve of anyone.  Except someone snarkier than me or brave enough to send me Death Cocks..  The feathered kind.  Not that the other kind can’t be feathered..  But they shouldn’t be – at least not unless that is your fetish and there is after all Rule 34.

it appears my favorite Rule34 comic from xkcd has gone missing.  sorry!

 

 

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Dear Diary – they are still trying to kill me…

Dear Diary…

It’s day 234,564,347,856,999,999,999 and they still have it in for me.  Their plan will not work – i won’t give in.  They continue to deprive me of sleep but I have determined they are small and scare easily.  I do not know why they are doing this.  I am not a terrorist, yet….

Tomorrow I may begin to try and dig my way out.  With a spatula and a plastic spork.  The cooks give me coffee but soon I will need it by IV.

The US Military has jack shit on 4 wild.fucking.rooster.from.hell.  You want to get something out of me?  Don’t tickle me, waterboard me, hang me from hooks or set me on fire – I do those things for fun.  Just stick me on a farm in the tropics with roosters that never shut.the.bloody.hell.up and I’ll tell you anything and give you everything I own.  Even my shoe collection – hell I’ll give you your shoe collection and allllll of my Urban Decay cosmetics.  This is some serious torture………unending TORTURE!!!

 

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I have strange new hobbies…… (roosters.still.aren’t.dead…)

Yeah I know what you are thinking and it’s just because you are jealous.  I swear!

“Sarah has allllllllllllways had strange hobbies, even stranger friends and an innate desire share just how weird she is with everyone.under.the.sun..”

Yeah and??  So getting back to strange hobbies…

I’ve taken up errand running, baking bread and making dinner…

I’m turning into a domestic homosexual..

There should be a day devoted to “Homosexuals Who Bake”..

HomoKiwi and I would certainly be King and Queen of such a day..

You know you just want me for my challah…..  I wonder if I can bake challah in a shape like……  (HomoKiwi will know…..)

F_n = F_{n-1} + F_{n-2},\!\,

with seed values

F_0 = 0,\; F_1 = 1
Look proof!!

Look! I'm a challah making homo now!

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