My Life in Paradise

because I only wish I could make this sh*t up…

Looking forward…..

I started this blog just shy of 3 years ago when I moved to Hawaii.  So much has gone on and changed.Holy crap.  I did what I set out to do, I applied for and was accepted to RN school even with a few detours along the way like love, loss, nearly dying and nearly marriage (again). Oh and I moved to Australia 2 days ago.

On marriage: Every once in a while (every 5 or so years) I think that being normal (which I have said is a cycle on a dishwasher since I was 13) is a good idea.  It’s not.  I’m a terrible spouse.  Selfish, driven, chaotic and a bitch in the AM all describe me. Hopefully this last round of white picket fence-ism is the last.

Let's not and not say I did.

Let’s not and not say I did.

Ps – I didn’t accept my offer to RN school. Instead I’m perusing a degree in biomedical science, genetic counseling and molecular biology.

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Humping through the middle of the semester…… Almost not about cocks…..

I have less time than usual to devote to writing and being funny..  Well I think I’m funny.  You might not…  Anyhooooooo…

So  I emailed GermYoda to complain about my upcoming test on microbial metabilism and for tips on Iceland.as.a.vacation.spot because GermYoda is the only person I know other than me who thinks going someplace like Iceland  is the.greatest.idea.since.gram.staining!

So GermYoda being the.coolest.queer.ever (even HomoKiwi will agree on that) suggested I visit the Iceland Cock Museum…  Not kidding!!  The Icelandic Phallological Museum actually exists!  It’s a real place dedicated to preserving penis’…  In jars or dehydrated or salted or whatever…  I have always loved detachable penis’ even before RadioHead made them famous..

Additionally lest the whole trip be about a penis museum (which would be fine!) I zero’d in on the prettiest spa I’ve EVER seen and it’s of course in Iceland!!  Lots of beautiful pools and boxes of mud to smear all over myself.  I haven’t figured out if it’s a bathing suit + or – place yet.  0_o  My diet plans need to know.

I may have to call them tomorrow..

I don’t speak Icelandic..

This could be funny…

Until then here is yet another picture of Buckminster.The.Pony.Sized.Dog – he’s so handsome and he really can take up the whole futon.  But only when he’s wet from playing in the rain and spawls out nose to tail as long as possible to insure the futon is not useable EVER.AGAIN by anyone but him!

I’m So Pretty!!!!

PS..  That is the dining room rug not a persian bamboo futon.  I don’t think the persians had futons and probably would never mix wool and bamboo…..

PPS…  Buckminster.The.Pony.Size dog is not going to Sweden or Denmark or Iceland with me..  He’s not Viking enough except that he’s more Viking than me since he’s part mastiff…….  Whatever – he’s not going!  Unless he learns to kill roosters in which case I’ll grand him any wish his pony size heart desires…

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I want to be this lady when I grow up!!

Yeah so I’m already kinda grown up, but I stumbled across the blog of a woman who has been to 33 countries and has no plans on stopping.  YES PLEASE!!  (minus the pregnant part because we allllll know I’m Mommy Dearest material and the world doesn’t need more wire hanger scenes)

At the moment for a couple of reasons my travel is limited to frequent trips back to California.  Is it the 16th yet?!?!?! BUT upon graduation – that.has.to.change.

So here is my hit list.  The top 5 places I want to see or see again!

  1. Europe – this trip is in the budding stage.  Ideally I’ll go summer 2013 before RN school.
  2. Scotland – I have an overwhelming desire to go to Scotland again, but this time with  TheHandsomestManUnder30.  I have a feeling my brother and I will get into enough trouble that someone will have to bail us out.  ET Phone Home!
  3. India – I.Just.Want.To.Shop
  4. Africa – I’m fairly certain there is an AIDS project with my name on it in Africa
  5. Galapagos – I need to find out if they have a monkey for me.

I will not be traveling with roosters or to anywhere that advertises having poultry as some kind of country delight.  I’m fine without fresh eggs thanks.

😐

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