My Life in Paradise

because I only wish I could make this sh*t up…

A Medical Guide to Hazardous Marine Life………and distractions of the non poultry kind..

So here’s a fun paddling link to watch!  (I like big waves and I can not lie – HomoKiwi you sing with me please!)

I’m not telling you why I’m distracted so let’s just move on!  (It’s probably the roosters keeping me awake…or’s the rivers…Either way ONWARD!

HerMajestyMyLadyMother took me to the.most.incredible.bookstore.ever!  Ok so maybe I’m exagerating a little, but it was a warehouse size used bookstore in Hawaii with a fairly good queer section.  As usual everything with HerMajesty is ever an adventure.

ME: “Do you have an LGBT section..” 

CounterLady: “A what?”

ME:  “Gay section – books about gays….”

CounterLady: “Oh yes!  It’s on the far wall…”

ME: “Thank you!”

*This is me wander wander wander wandering around smelling the books.  MyLadyMother handed me a book called A Medical Guide to Hazardous Marine Life -squeeeee-*

CounterLady “Did you find what you were looking for?”

ME: “Oh yes – I thought I was gay before, but I certain I am now..”

*This is the counter lady blinking rapidly while HerMagesty plies me with book purchases*

*This is me wandering out the door after HerMagesty but not without exclaiming I have found another book that is my long lost friend and needs to come home with me!*

MyLadyMother:  “Sarah-Louise!”

*This is me with my ears turning red*

ME: “I can’t help it……..”

MyLadyMother: “Really child…what is the matter with you.”

ME: “I just figured out I was gay at 32 in a bookstore in Kona with my mother.  I think we should celebrate – how about a toaster and a new BMW and more books?”

MyLadyMother: “Just get in the car please. You were gay last week too.”

ME: “Ok, but hand me my book – I need to see if you are in the hazardous marine life book………”

ME:   “You know Mummy I like my life even if you are a barracuda….”

MyLadyMother:  “Sarah-Louise!”

<The End>

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A Hawaiian vocabulary lesson (or what I did on the 200+ mile round trip to pick up my GlitterBeetle)

So I checked in with Matson and my adorable GlitterBeetle arrived at the port in Hilo 1/11.  Yay!  My gay wheels made it…..secretly I like driving the 4×4…..well I did pick it and it’s a bad ass SUV….anyway..  Here’s a sliver of hilarity from the trip to Hilo and back….

Vocabulary – according to HerMagesty… *please remember the accent for an authentic experience*

NeNe – Hawaiian goose that can’t fly and makes really sweet cooing sounds. Cheeky buggers walked up to the car (and me when I was snapping photos) like they were strolling through to the drive up at McDonalds. I imagine they all talk like Anotonio Banderas and say things like…..

“Hello what do you have for me today? Would you like to take my picture?!” (Yeah I know this is Hawaii and not some latin country – but this is me we are talking about, stop expecting normal!)

Citation – What I get when I give HerMagesty my microbiology flash cards. I was really going for “What’s a cation?” What I got was “A citation is… Sarah-Louise what does this have to do with RN school?”

Neon – A negatively charged ion. See above and insert “anion”.


Topless.Hawaiian.Midget – no really I saw one scurry across the road.  I had been napping for the 40 previous miles, but even in my groggiest state I can’t dream that up……and there isn’t enough brain bleach in the world..

Rooster – stupid.fucking.wild.poultry and they are not dead yet.

I will get around to posting pictures at some point..