My Life in Paradise

because I only wish I could make this sh*t up…

Spring Migration – Femme Style


This is spacial issue.....

Yeap – that’s what it looks like when I get ready to go to San Francisco! ¬†I promise I’ll post pictures of food and fashion and fun….

Buckminster.The.Pony.Size.Dog say…..


This picture is for Germ.Yoda – because I couldn’t have made it through my midterm without your help!


Look what I did!

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Roosters Love Orchids! – kind of like the Nissan commercial Dogs Love Trucks only less amusing…

ūüėź ¬†We’ll start with that face….. ¬†ūüėź ¬†again just to make sure it’s understood that I am not a happy monkey. ¬†Oh and here is the Dogs Love Trucks commercial in case you have no idea what I’m talking about because you should, it was funny!

So back to my unhappiness…….The stupid roosters have decided that in retaliation for rock throwing in my underwear (again) they are going to terrorize my orchids.

-asshole poultry-

So far they have left the baby orchids and the grown up orchids alone.  They seem to like knocking over my juvenile orchids best.  Stupid roosters, I can take out their kids and their little white dogs to you know!  Someone hand me my broomstick!

My friend DiverDan has located me a pink slingshot since Cabelas failed me! ¬†He’ll be sending that soon I hope…. ¬†HINT HINT HINT!!!.

Side note: I had a pink leopard broom, but my SuperBitchHouseMateFromHell has it. ¬†It would have matched the pink slingshot really well. ¬†As it is I’m going to need some pink underwear for this next phase of rooster irradication.

In yet further rooster adventures I was questioned by my FairyGodMother as to if I was really actually going to kill the roosters. ¬†What do you think I’m going to do? ¬†ūüėź

So now I must go back to googling for deep sea microbes and sexy underwear. (The underwear is NOT for the roosters!!)

So tiny and so sweet!

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A Medical Guide to Hazardous Marine Life………and distractions of the non poultry kind..

So here’s a fun paddling link to watch!¬† (I like big waves and I can not lie – HomoKiwi you sing with me please!)

I’m not telling you why I’m distracted so let’s just move on! ¬†(It’s probably the roosters keeping me awake…or’s the rivers…Either way ONWARD!

HerMajestyMyLadyMother took me to the.most.incredible.bookstore.ever! ¬†Ok so maybe I’m exagerating a little, but it was a warehouse size used bookstore in Hawaii with a fairly good queer section. ¬†As usual everything with HerMajesty is ever an adventure.

ME:¬†“Do you have an LGBT section..”¬†

CounterLady:¬†“A what?”

ME: ¬†“Gay section – books about gays….”

CounterLady:¬†“Oh yes! ¬†It’s on the far wall…”

ME:¬†“Thank you!”

*This is me wander wander wander wandering around smelling the books.  MyLadyMother handed me a book called A Medical Guide to Hazardous Marine Life -squeeeee-*

CounterLady¬†“Did you find what you were looking for?”

ME:¬†“Oh yes – I thought I was gay before, but I certain I am now..”

*This is the counter lady blinking rapidly while HerMagesty plies me with book purchases*

*This is me wandering out the door after HerMagesty but not without exclaiming I have found another book that is my long lost friend and needs to come home with me!*

MyLadyMother: ¬†“Sarah-Louise!”

*This is me with my ears turning red*

ME: “I can’t help it……..”

MyLadyMother:¬†“Really child…what is the matter with you.”

ME: “I just figured out I was gay at 32 in a bookstore in Kona with my mother. ¬†I think we should celebrate – how about a toaster and a new BMW and more books?”

MyLadyMother: “Just get in the car please. You were gay last week too.”

ME: “Ok, but hand me my book – I need to see if you are in the hazardous marine life book………”

ME: ¬†¬†“You know Mummy I like my life even if you are a barracuda….”

MyLadyMother: ¬†“Sarah-Louise!”

<The End>

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