My Life in Paradise

because I only wish I could make this sh*t up…

Roosters Love Orchids! – kind of like the Nissan commercial Dogs Love Trucks only less amusing…

ūüėź ¬†We’ll start with that face….. ¬†ūüėź ¬†again just to make sure it’s understood that I am not a happy monkey. ¬†Oh and here is the Dogs Love Trucks commercial in case you have no idea what I’m talking about because you should, it was funny!

So back to my unhappiness…….The stupid roosters have decided that in retaliation for rock throwing in my underwear (again) they are going to terrorize my orchids.

-asshole poultry-

So far they have left the baby orchids and the grown up orchids alone.  They seem to like knocking over my juvenile orchids best.  Stupid roosters, I can take out their kids and their little white dogs to you know!  Someone hand me my broomstick!

My friend DiverDan has located me a pink slingshot since Cabelas failed me! ¬†He’ll be sending that soon I hope…. ¬†HINT HINT HINT!!!.

Side note: I had a pink leopard broom, but my SuperBitchHouseMateFromHell has it. ¬†It would have matched the pink slingshot really well. ¬†As it is I’m going to need some pink underwear for this next phase of rooster irradication.

In yet further rooster adventures I was questioned by my FairyGodMother as to if I was really actually going to kill the roosters. ¬†What do you think I’m going to do? ¬†ūüėź

So now I must go back to googling for deep sea microbes and sexy underwear. (The underwear is NOT for the roosters!!)

So tiny and so sweet!

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Things I bet you didn’t know about Hawaii…..

a) It’s cold here. ¬†Like fall in N. California cold– in the morning and since I ¬†have, as quickly as possible, acclimatized to – the weather this AM sucked. ¬†(I wrote this post under 2 blankets with my ugly UofT sweatshirt on.) Go Longhorns! Whatever else you make a great ugly ass pajama hoody..

b) Everyone really is nice. ¬†It’s not just a tourist commercial. ¬†Seriously.

c) Poultry are everywhere. ¬†Wild and obnoxious poultry. ¬†I’m waiting on a slingshot from Cabelas then it’s on like donkey kong. ¬†(I interrupted writing this message from AlohaLand ¬†to go throw rocks at the stupid roosters.)

d) Chasing roosters – it’s easy to get up the lava rock hill – it’s less easy to get down the lava rock hill. ¬†Thank god no one else was awake because about the time I started down the hill I realized it was god o’clock in the am and I was in flipflops, a UofT hoody and ¬†my underpants had the words “SPANK ME” emblazoned across my ass.

y) Everything here comes down to my disdain for roosters going off at midnight, 2am and 6:46am.

z) I want a monkey, but this isn’t new to me being in Hawaii……..